Updated: Jul 28
Why am I blogging about this sensitive topic? I have a platform and I'm not afraid to speak on topics that are uncomfortable, off the table, secret, and unspoken. With research and my own experiences, I find that some people are phobic when it comes to discussing topics that they're uncomfortable with and don't understand. Furthermore, they tend to push sensitive subjects like traumatic life events under the rug rather than cope and heal from them. They find it easier to talk about it privately than publicly. They find it easier to talk about how happy they are when they're not or about how blissful a family home they have when it isn't. Let's be honest, not all social media friends are happy campers. I'm talking about your closest social media friends, not the ones that you have forgotten along the way.
Now, of course, some are genuinely joyful. They post about their projects, promotions, accomplishments, birthdays, illnesses, or someone else's. They also post about the loss of loved ones, and on most occasions, they post pictures, jokes, positive quotes, and prayers. These are all meaningful posts. I'm not minimizing any of them, because I'm one of those people. However, if you check my feeds you will notice that I also post about mental health. Oh, the stigma of it all! Look, I'm not the only one. There are others too but you don't see them too often because those types of posts get overlooked. They normally don't pop up in the top popular posts/feeds. Hmm? FB & IG, what's up with that? Especially with the Pandemic and illnesses due to Covid-19. One would expect that mental health would be promoted as well. Thank God for social media Influencers and celebrities that use their platform to address it, like Taraji P. Henson and many others.
My fellow queens, let me ask you this? Do you sometimes randomly come across a post where the person says (I hate life, I'm mad as hell, I'm about to snap! Why do people keep FN with me!? How about negative dark quotes or “Please Pray For Me” with nothing to follow? How about people who use social media to fight with family and friends? Oh, and what about people who post encrypted messages that are borderline suicide notes? Well, guess what? I have. Several years ago, I posted a suicide note and one of my family members noticed it immediately and called for help. Paramedics rushed me to the hospital, and I was lucky to have survived my attempt.
It happened in the wee hours of the morning, so only a couple of people noticed it and my family had time to remove it before anyone else did. A couple of days later, I was told that one of my long-time, long distant friends posted on my wall and told me how much she loves and appreciates me and how much I inspired her through some of her toughest times. Even though she didn't know about what I did, she was compelled to send me that message. Along with my family and other friends' support, that right there gave me a purpose to live.
It's probably hard to fathom why anyone would want to end their life. It's a sin, but when you snap, you're not thinking about that sin or anything else for that matter. You just want the pain to stop, but there are other ways. We simply need to know how to purge severe past pain within to seek atonement and resolve. Sadly enough, most people don't have the will nor the tools in life to know how to. Do you think people need help that uses social media as an outlet? Have you ever tried to help someone on social media? Have you ever wondered if you were to help, would it make a difference in their lives? I know, sometimes we can't help everyone, but we can at least try to help one.
So how do we help? There are many obvious ways. My way of helping is through my website, where I know I can reach thousands of people. This is my way of helping and giving back to my community and with hopes, that it will help someone. I became a blogger because I care and I've had some traumatic events happen to me in my life, I want people to know that they are not alone. There is a good deal of self-help/blog websites, but I tried to be unique by creating a diverse, multicultural, women's online blog magazine where I blog on just about everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
My site is all about women empowering women. However, my content is for everyone. We are all Queens and Kings, let's try to fix each other's crowns when they are falling off. I hope you will find a takeaway when reading (Purge Severe Past Pain Within To Seek Atonement And Resolve. I hope you will also take a peek inside (Today's Queen Life and Style) and be inspired.
Purge Severe Past Pain Within To Seek Atonement And Resolve
What is severe pain when it comes to emotional and mental health? It's psychological pain.
Mental or emotional distress or suffering or to make suffer or cause distress to. Mental pain or emotional pain is an unpleasant feeling of a psychological, non-physical origin. Intense and unbearable mental (psychological) pain is defined as an emotionally based extremely aversive feeling which can be experienced as torment. It can be associated with a psychiatric disorder or with severe emotional trauma caused by many forms of abuse or by the passing of a loved one. A pioneer in the field of suicidology, Edwin S. Shneidman, described it as "how much you hurt as a human being causing mental suffering and mental torment.
Atonement is a reconciliation of God and humankind through Jesus Christ or a confession of sins. Atonement is what a person seeks from another to correct or acknowledge previous wrongdoings, either through direct action to undo the consequences of that act or to seek some other form of atonement by expressing feelings of remorse. When you atone, you are taking responsibility and holding yourself accountable for the pain you have caused another. You are aware and can ask for forgiveness, and never afflict that pain upon anyone again.
Purge or Purging. Although there are many definitions, here are some examples that we rarely use. To purge is also to rid (someone or something) of an unwanted quality, condition, or feeling. To free someone or something from (an unwanted quality, condition, or feeling). To physically or spiritually remove or expel (something) completely. Atone for or wipe out completely. When you purge you are forever getting rid of and saying goodbye to whatever is that's not good for you. You can lift your hands and say I rebuke you in the name of the Lord, you can lift your hands and say stop, you don't live in my heart, thoughts, or home anymore. You can lift your hands and say Hallelujah, I am free!
Out of my distress, I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.
Why do we hurt people?
Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
James 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
Have you ever heard the expression, Hurt people, hurt people? With that being said, the victimizer who caused the affliction is the result of their past hurt from the sins of others who have afflicted pain upon them or in some cases have not had any affliction but instead have an evil entitled spirit and/or chemically imbalanced. So in return, they afflict pain upon you. A stranger or someone you know, and no one can hurt you more than the ones you love and trust. Whether you know the person or not, harming a person for no justification is not only abusive but it's also a form of bullying. When you afflict abuse that causes severe pain, either physical or verbal, you are disrespecting boundaries, you are dishonoring and tormenting which can cause a person to be traumatized for life.
Why do we hold onto emotional pain? Because we are afraid to ask for help and in fear of shame or in fear of disbelief from others.
Why do we keep the pain behind closed doors? Due to family and friend ties, sometimes it's easier to hold onto the secret and stay in the pain than to do anything about it.
Why do we sacrifice our own emotions for the sake of others' happiness? Because feelings are involved we want to avoid conflict, so we hold onto emotional pain to keep the peace and remain connected to the person who caused our pain.
Why do we keep holding on to something that happened so long ago? Because we harbor resentment and sometimes we hold onto emotional pain because we don't have the tools in life to release the pain and move on.
When I say move on, what I mean is to move on to never talk about it, nor relive the pain again, but is that conceivable? No, it's not because as long as we have a memory, we will always remember those moments that caused us severe pain. This is called PTSD or post-traumatic syndrome. PTSD is a grave psychological illness, it can cause a person to completely snap which can result in hospitalization and suicide. I suffer from PTSD and even though I've struggled to move on from the pain, I have been able to move on with my life because I've always been a functional person. No matter what comes my way, I've always been a goal-oriented, functional, and focused person. I've accomplished many things while still holding onto pain. Some people are unable to do that and those are the people rambling and wandering, aimlessly in the middle of a street.
You would never know that I was in so much pain, not unless you're one of the closest people to me. Like me, there are so many beautiful and wonderful Queens holding on to past pain. It could be you or the person right next to you, a family member, or a friend. They greet you with a smile and look forward to spending precious moments with loved ones, and each day they show up and try to be normal. All for the sake of making everyone happy, they mask their pain. They walk around like their lives are so perfect by portraying an image or a character that they think others want to see them as. They tend to be those people who do the most and love the hardest.
They are also, easily, disappointed. They shut down and in some cases never return to being the same. Why? Because they are now blocking their heart from ever being hurt again. Even though they may still love and care for you, they can no longer trust you with their heart. Usually, they resort to these measures because they've already been down that road before. They have absorbed all options and have decided to let go and let God.
Why should we purge to seek atonement?
Although it's not a perfect world, hearts are built to live and love, and that's why it's important to purge and seek atonement because you must speak your truth and then heal. If not with them, then a therapist, counselor, or minister. Because it is only then that you will learn to live and love in a way that you've never done before. Whether they're still in your life or not, and if you haven't had one already, take that first step and ask them for that sit-down and know that there’s nothing wrong with holding them accountable for the pain that they've caused you. You can call them of course, but then you might set yourself up for a disconnect, it's easier to hang up the phone than to leave. When face to face, there are levels of emotions to witness, and if the vibe is good, positive emotions lead to touching. If the emotions are reciprocated, you can hold hands, hug it out, laugh, and cry. Oh, the mighty power of touching!
My fellow Queen, I'm asking you? Have you ever wanted to let someone know the damage they've caused you? Have you ever wanted to let them know why you are the way you are Queen, are you afraid to ask them for an apology because you fear you may never receive one? Is important for you to speak your truth, is it important for you to be set free? Are you sick and tired of being weary and holding your peace?
Queen, you don't have to be muted anymore toward somebody who's mistreated you, verbally, physically, mentally, and or sexually. Even if you know they are nearby, you don't have to be silent if you are still connected to them in some way. You may love or hate them but I want you to know today that you don't have to mask those hurtful feelings and you don't have to be afraid to disrupt those connected relationships or the lifestyle that you’ve created surrounding them. It's not about them, it's about you and your healing. Sit face to face and let them gaze upon the Queen that you are. With style and grace, come to the table, prayed up, be peaceful, and focused, and be prepared for the outcome.
Let me ask you this, even if you don't want nor desire a sit-down if given the opportunity would you take it? I would and I have because holding onto severe past pain can cause so much damage. It can cause sickness and depression. It can affect your relationship with God and your everyday well-being and interaction with people in general. Holding on to pain can make you suicidal because it's embedded in your memory. Without processing the event that caused the pain, you may have forgiven someone and sincerely meant it at the time. However, because we failed to process it, our memory keeps reliving those hurtful moments over and over again, and with that comes new pain that ignites the slightest triggers; that can send you over the edge!
Those are just a few reasons why it's necessary to purge to seek atonement, but wait there's more! Foremost it's necessary to be well and fully engaged in life. It's important to love yourself and to breathe again. It's essential to build and bond better relationships with others and with yourself. It's okay to renew your broken heart and restore your faith. When purging you are setting yourself free and your spirit will be lifted. Your mind, soul, and heart will have a revival. It may bond that relationship and make it stronger. It may even help you to remove that toxic person from your life for good. Even though the process may be unnerving, the pain in your heart, mind, body, and soul will cease. As long as you are willing to let it go, it will go, one at a time.
Get out of your way so that you can let yourself triumphantly get through the fearless journey of resolve. Remember that when you have resolved to have that sit-down, it's about purging. It's about forgiveness and coming full circle with one's self. It doesn't mean that your truth is their truth and vice versa, so be prepared for renunciation. It doesn't mean you have to accept that person back into your life, it doesn't mean that you will pick up where you left off as if nothing ever happened. Things will take time, remember Rome wasn't built in a day. If anything, accept the consequences, forgive, leave in peace, and wish them well. As I stated previously, I had my sit down and I must tell you, the outcome was a wonderful revival, and we are in a much better place now and by the grace of God, I am healed! My Queen, I pray for the same for you.
If you decide to purge to seek atonement, my advice to you is, to choose wisely and discern that spirit first, some spirits are not worth a chat. Also, not everyone is as approachable, accepting, and receiving as the next.
1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Furthermore, choose your meeting place wisely, where you feel secure and comfortable. Come in peace and no matter what, stay composed. If at any time, you feel any hostility or threatened, leave immediately. Let's hope and pray it doesn't resort to that. Remember, it's the process of sorting through the pain. Coming to the point of forgiveness may be labor-intensive because it can be easier to harbor resentment than it is to cultivate love. Above all else chose love because, with it, you can still walk away to agree to disagree.
1 Peter 1:13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
James 1:19-20 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
If you choose not to have a sit-down, I encourage you to get help. Help is just a prayer and phone call away. Ask the Lord for help and then let the holy spirit guide you. Speak with someone you know and trust or a therapist, counselor, or preacher. You can even Google help hotlines. Help is out there so please get help and be well my beloved.
As part of the healing process, if you are abusing substances to dull the pain of abuse or need resources on how to stop the abuse, please click on the link below or visit any self-help website that you are comfortable with. As long as you get help, that's all that matters. https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/alcohol-hotline/
A special message to anyone who's reading that has mistreated someone. I challenge you to make amends and have that uncomfortable conversation. The choice is yours. Perhaps there's an underlying issue within you and not necessarily an actual issue with the person that you hurt. Whether you hurt them, verbally, mentally, physically, or sexually, find it within yourself to purge and atone. Set yourself free and ask the Lord for forgiveness and then forgive yourself.
Hebrews 12:14-15, Strive for peace with everyone, and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it, many become defiled.
If peace is impossible between you and the afflicted one or the person who has afflicted that pain on you, then have peace within yourself. Call on the holy spirit of God and ask for forgiveness and be at peace with yourself and any decisions that you have made.
My fellow Queen, trust and believe in the process and know that there is nothing more important than you. With prayer, hope, and faith, you can annihilate whatever demons that may come your way. If you want to heal, you must trust in and repeatedly work through the process until the desired forgiveness settles permanently into your heart. It may take time, maybe weeks, months, or years, but no matter what keep pushing through it. If you must, because you have absorbed all options; as stated earlier, then let go and let God. Choose to be at peace with yourself and others. Surround yourself with people who have your best interest at hand and immerse yourself with positive energy. And, don't forget to smile, and hug yourself daily. Because Queen, you are loved, and wonderfully, fearfully created in the eyes of the lord. You are on your way to wellness!
What is wellness?
Wellness is an individual pursuit. We have self-responsibility for our own choices, behaviors, and lifestyles, but it's also significantly influenced by the physical, social, and cultural environments in which we live. Wellness is also associated with an active process of being aware and making choices that lead toward an outcome of optimal holistic health and well-being. Wellness is about more than just physical health. Most models of wellness include at least 6 dimensions.
Physical: A healthy body through exercise, nutrition, sleep, etc.
Mental: Engagement with the world through learning, problem-solving, creativity, etc.
Emotional: Being in touch with, aware of, accepting of, and able to express one’s feelings (and those of others).
Spiritual: Our search for meaning and purpose in human existence.
Social: Connecting with, interacting with, and contributing to other people and our communities.
Environmental: A healthy physical environment free of hazards; awareness of the role we play in bettering rather than denigrating the natural environment.